Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have aggressive nipples.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
