I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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