I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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