I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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