My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
