I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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