But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
