Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
