So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
