So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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