so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
