That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
