I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
