Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
