I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
