Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
