Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
