you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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