no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
