i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
