I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
