well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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