Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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