adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
