Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
