no, he came in my armpit
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
