so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
