Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize