The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
