just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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