Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
