my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
