Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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