I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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