I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
