I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize