Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
