She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
