My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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