Please, let me fuck your mom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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