I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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