the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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