8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
