Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
