It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
