idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
