Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize