Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
