its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They are going to name an STD after you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
