OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
