he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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