I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
