I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
