Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
