she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
