That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
