I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
