I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
