you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
