I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
