I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
