Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
