AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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