if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
