At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
