If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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