he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well you can't waste a boner
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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