My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
