I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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