fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
