So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
